Picking Girls Up: Approaching Women The Classy Way
Picking girls up is often talked (and bragged) about by men. Yet when all the talking stops, very few men can actually claim to have met girls in this way.
Yes we have all met the proverbial “ladies man” who can confidently walk up to any girl and make her swoon from his every word and gesture.
But the ladies man proves the exception rather than the rule. The simple reason is this..
PICKING UP WOMEN IS NOT NATURAL
Weird but true. It’s funny, because on one hand, when we see a sexy woman, we are INSTANTLY ATTRACTED the moment she appears.
Yet there is also a deep and natural FEAR instilled in us that stops us from approaching and taking action.
The reason for this is debatable. My theory is, that this fear is a primal defense mechanism that saved men from VERY REAL DANGER when humans lived in small tribes of 20-30 members. With a group so small, a man’s every move was immediately known to EVERYONE.
Should a man approach a woman, he found attractive and that woman REJECTED HIM, it was bad news for him indeed. Everyone in the tribe would know about it INSTANTLY. Other women would shun him for life. He might even be OSTRACIZED from the group.
Today, humans do not live this way and unless you live in a small town, you are unlikely to face the same consequences when you fail in a pickup attempt. Yet this natural (and now obsolete) fear remains in every man. Why?
Many of our deep rooted, primal behaviors remain with us today. Yes, as a species we always evolved over time to suite changing conditions, but these change are gradual, spanning hundreds of thousands of years.
Over the last few thousand years, our environment has changed at an astounding rate, both culturally and technologically. Evolution could not possibly have kept pace.
It is why I think this deep, natural FEAR of approaching the woman we desire remains within us all. Your job is to overcome it.
Before getting into the finer details about how to approach women, let me address something.. It is probably something you are wondering about too..
If picking up women is not a natural activity, yet the human race has survived for hundreds of thousands of years, then how did people ever get together?
The answer is, most couples tend to meet through their social circles. Most lasting, meaningful relationships tend to be started that way. Very rarely does a long term relationship start out as a bar pickup or cold approach by a man.
So why, then should you do pickup at all? The reason is this:
BECAUSE PRACTICING PICKUP WILL SKYROCKET YOUR SOCIAL SKILLS
Picking up an attractive woman requires an extremely high level of SOCIAL AWARENESS and SOCIAL SKILL. The very practice of picking up will hone your social skills with ALL PEOPLE, not just the women you find attractive. It will help you in other areas of your life too, where you need to win and influence other people. Think about the skills you need when you are applying for a job or networking in your business community.
When done right, pickup technique will teach you:
- Acute social awareness
- How to BOLDLY take action
- How to RAPIDLY charm and influence the people around you
- Body language techniques for making people feel comfortable in your presence
- How to think and talk on your feet
- How to flirt light-heartedly
- How to structure an interaction and move it towards your desired outcome
Some might consider it manipulative but I say, pickup – when broken down, is just a bunch of SOCIAL TOOLS. As will all types of tools, great things can be achieved when handled correctly..
OR A GREAT DEAL OF HARM WHEN THEY’RE NOT
Pickup is neither “good” nor “evil”, it is simply a way to connect, charm and influence people towards a mutually desirable outcome. Still think this is manipulative?
Then consider this..
Many women go out, LOOKING for the “man of their dreams”, unconsciously perhaps, but you can rest assured it is at the back of their minds.
In truth, women actually WANT to be “swept off their feet” by a man who knows exactly what he’s doing. It is a woman’s fantasy.
Consider also, that a guy may have the best pickup technique in the world, but in actual fact.
EVEN THE BEST PICKUP ARTIST IN THE WORLD CAN’T SEDUCE EVERY GIRL
For all the talk that great pickup artists make of being able to pickup any girl. In truth, people will always have a CHOICE. They will “buy in” to you picking them up, or they won’t. The women who do, tend to actually WANT TO BE PICKED UP.
At the back of her mind, and although she might not show it..
SHE WANTS TO MEET SOMEONE TOO
For all the negative views on pickup, when you examine it closely you find it can help two people get WHAT THEY ARE BOTH LOOKING FOR ANYWAY.
When a woman says she does not want to be “picked up”, she usually has some lame, weird pickup attempt in her mind. Some bad experience in the past..
And unfortunately women have had plenty!
The average man is poorly socialized and untrained in the art of approaching and charming women. He goes to bars and clubs to “get laid” search of women to “hit on” with his favorite pickup lines. Needless to say, when he approaches a girl, he usually SCREWS IT UP ENTIRELY and puts women in a natural state of defensiveness.
She has probably heard variations of the following, hundreds of times before:
“Great legs, what time do they open?”
“You must be tired because you’ve been running through my head all night.”
“Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk past again?”
…and everyone’s favorite.
“Do you come here often?”
Yes, women will SAY they don’t go out to meet someone… Is it any guess why?
Actually the last one is not so bad, it is inoffensive and she could probably appreciate that your mind has gone blank and you can’t think of anything to say.
It may even be forgivable considering you approached her at all. Yet, it is incredibly unimaginative and just about every guy who approached her before you has said the EXACT SAME LINE. So you might get away with it, but YOU BETTER MAKE DAMN SURE YOU HAVE SOMETHING GOOD TO FOLLOW UP WITH.
Ok, let’s look at how to pick up women, the “right way”, the CLASSY way.
FOCUS ON DELIVERY NOT PICKUP LINES
Many men put way too much importance on coming up with the perfect opening line. In reality, a woman who wants to be approached is generally flattered when a guy wants to talk to them.
Ok, if you are drunk and are the 50th guy to come up to her in the club that night, she might not be so charmed, but in normal circumstances and if you do not act like a JERK, almost ANYTHING you say will be just fine to start a conversation.
Look for women who are making eye contact with you. A woman who is making eye contact, is on a subconscious level giving you permission to approach her.
If you cannot read her signals approach anyway. Do not linger around the bar working up the courage or thinking up the perfect line to say. If she sees you hesitate for a moment you’re SUNK before you even open your mouth.
Approach confidently and immediately, a simple “Hi” is a perfectly effective pickup line.
A woman who talks back to you has given you permission to continue the conversation. In most cases she will, since you paid her the compliment of showing interest in her.
GET YOUR VOICE AND BODYLANGUAGE IN ORDER
When you walk up to her, you want her to be thinking of you as warm, friendly, social guy and more importantly safe and “normal” (rather than weird and creepy).
When you speak, ENSURE YOU TALK LOUD ENOUGH. A loud voice demonstrates your confidence, a soft voice projects weirdness, or that you are approval seeking. This is not the way you want to frame your interaction.
You want her to see that you “like what you see so far”, but she has to prove herself to you first. Acting like you’re trying hard to impress her demonstrates too much interest too soon. You are basically handing over your BALLS on a silver plate! There is no challenge for her. (Women love a challenge).
Also, SPEAK AT AN EVEN PACE AND TONE speaking too fast, projects nervousness.
Smile as you approach her, but don’t over do it or you will look goofy. MAKE GOOD EYE CONTACT and remain confident with your hands by your side or with minimal movement. Don’t tense up or make nervous gestures.
GET INTO A TWO-WAY CONVERSATION
Your initial approach tends to be the most nerve-wracking part of approaching a woman. It is where many guys get stuck in their heads.
Yet it is what follows that really counts..
Once you have approached her and you have her initial attention, your next goal is to get into a NATURAL TWO-WAY CONVERSATION. A two-way, conversation is when you are both talking in roughly equal amounts. If SHE is doing most of the talking all the better.
If she is only giving you one word answers, or you are doing most of the work to keep the conversation going, you are NOT having a two-way conversation. She has accepted your approach, but has not invested in the conversation. Her interest level is probably not high.
If you cannot reach a two-way conversation, there is not much point continuing the pickup. Chances are you did not approach her well. Take heart in the fact that you approached at all. It is more than most guys can say.
YOU MUST ESCALATE
At the start of your seduction, you are doing no more than having a normal conversation as you would with anyone else. Normal conversation is great, but your goal is to PICK HER UP. In order to do this, you cannot just have normal conversation. You must be looking to move your conversation from “normal” to “personal”.
An effective technique for doing this is to look for a REASON to make it personal. When she gives you a reason for you being interested, you then make that reason believable by SHOWING YOUR INTENT.
A reason can be anything she does or says that is unique, interesting or when she makes a worthy effort. When you “reward” her for her effort you “escalates” the interaction towards a romantic outcome.
This is a CRUCIAL step in a pickup attempt. If you do not escalate, the conversation will eventually dry up and she will leave.
You should also be trying to build RAPPORT with the girl. Rapport is a deeper state of interaction than small talk and fluff talk.
To build rapport, simply LISTEN and get a feel for what her interests are. It is your job to pick up on these cues and then show you either have a similar interest or are open-minded enough to learn more about whatever it is that interests her. Focus on building these shared interests as quickly as possible. The more “connected” you are to her, the less chance she’ll find an excuse to blow you off.
ONCE SHE IS HOOKED, CLOSE THE DEAL
Ok, so you have:
- Approached her
- Transitioned into a TWO-WAY normal conversation
- ESCALATED and GAINED RAPPORT with the girl and she is feeling more “connected” with you.
It is time to “close the deal” and ask for her number, or lead her out of the current environment. Taking her to a few different venues makes it feel like you’ve spent more time with her and that you know her better. Even if you only spend a short time at each place.
If you “date” her right away, take the lead. Tell her there’s this great cafe/ice cream shop/lounge/comedy club, etc that you know about.
If you have to leave or she has to go, it is CRUCIAL you ask for her phone number or email address. Once you have her number, don’t leave immediately as it demonstrates you were over-invested in getting the number.
Try and end the pickup when she is on a “high”. It increases the chance that she will think about you in your absence and will improve your chances of a future meeting.
A WARNING ABOUT PICKUP
Picking up women can be an exciting lifestyle to live. Being able to confidently approach almost any attractive woman you desire and be able to make her feel ATTRACTED to you, is a thrilling fantasy for just about any man.
While I believe learning the skills of approaching women and talking to women in the context of moving her towards a romantic outcome is something that every man should commit himself to learning at one stage in his life, at the same time, encouraging all men to pursue this lifestyle is bad advice.
Now you probably thinking I’m going to go all moral on you and tell that being a ladies man is bad and immoral, etc..
Nothing could be further from the truth. If you want that, then I say go for it!
It’s your life man!
But I DO want to warn you about a couple of pitfalls.
The first of those, is GETTING TOO FAR INTO IT.
Some men, especially those who have never had any luck with girls, will read this article and other material on the internet and then go out and make it PART OF THEIR LIFE AND A MAJOR PART OF THEIR IDENTITY.
I want to stress that when you get so far deep into this sort of lifestyle and have NO OTHER INTERESTS OR HOBBIES, or DO NOTHING ELSE WITH YOUR TIME, you risk falling into a sea of shallowness and despair.
You will start to become a WEIRD HUMAN if your personality becomes little more than a bunch of pickup techniques.
There is nothing wrong with pickup, but it should be BALANCED OUT WITH THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
My second point is if your current social skills and your confidence are not that great, then you should probably not get into pickup. At least not yet.
For a SHY guy, the emotional consequences of forcing yourself to go out and approach random strangers will OVERWHELM YOU FAR MORE THAN THE AVERAGE (NORMALLY SOCIALIZED) MAN.
You are withdrawn from life, so your social experiences are quite limited. This kind of pressure can be quite harmful.
Yeah sure everyone will tell you you need to “get out more”. And it’s true, but you also need to grow and develop at your own pace, which doesn’t mean forcing yourself into situations that SCARE YOU SHITLESS.
You need build up slowly. Take baby steps..
Sign up for my free course, which shows you steps you can take for gradually putting yourself out there and gaining more social experience and confidence.
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